“My name’s Addie.”
“Addie?!” Carla exclaimed. “Oh, that name won’t do around here. You need a new one. Do you mind if I call you ‘dearie’ until you figure out who you are?”
I shook my head.
“I suppose that’s fine,” I muttered.
“In that case, welcome to your new life, dearie.”
Carla held up two fingers to her brow in a playful salute, and made a kissing sound with her lips.
“I’m sure you’ll have some fun once you find your place here.”
With that, Carla turned and made her way down the staircase with a jaunty gait.
I closed the door and thought I would die.
Who had I become in these past weeks? Who was this graceless, insecure, wilting blossom of a girl? I had never suffered discomposure like that in my life, not even as an ugly peasant. I abhorred myself for the next hour as I replayed the scene over and over again.
I saw Carla almost every day after that, but we didn’t exchange more than greetings and smiles.
It seemed she was always on the move, and I finally noticed the variety of visitors to her apartment. Most of them were men, and I made a point to be in the deepest recesses of my apartment, so as not to hear them.
But many of her callers were women. I figured they must be other courtesans. Carla and the woman in the apartment below me seemed to be close friends.
In passing, I heard her name was Filly, which suited her. She looked more like my imagined courtesan than Carla did, a soft blonde with creamy skin and outrageous curves.
The first time I saw Filly, she was draped in white furs with painted red lips. I wondered if she was also an actress in one of the theaters. Filly seemed extravagantly glamorous.
The voices coming from Carla’s apartment, whether she had one of her men or women friends over, usually sounded very happy. There was always lots of laughter beyond her door, and those sounds of gaiety made me feel lonelier than ever.
One night, I had trouble sleeping and was wandering aimlessly around my empty apartment when I heard a whispery, light-footed gait coming up the steps.
I hadn’t heard the door to the street open and it was rather late. There was no way that such a walk could belong to one of Carla’s gentlemen callers.
Out of curiosity and the desolation of being alone, I opened my door in time to see Filly bouncing up the last few steps. Even the way she moved oozed voluptuousness.
Filly seemed ready for bed with bare feet, pale yellow hair hanging down to her waist, her face empty of powder, rouge, and lipstick, and in a shimmery gown that hugged her curves.
She smiled at me. I thought she was much prettier without paint on her face.
“Hi there!” Filly called to me in a cheery tone. “Do you have a name yet, neighbor?”
At that moment, Carla opened the door. She too was dressed for repose, in a pale green gown that floated around her, chestnut hair falling in waves past her shoulders.
“I’d love to know that too, dearie.”
I flushed and shook my head.
“Not yet.”
“Well get one, silly girl.”
Filly’s voice bespoke a light heart. She had inky blue eyes that twinkled when she giggled. She seemed the type who was easily happy, and in that moment, I suffered the first stab of envy I’d had since the Patron’s Daughter.
Carla and Filly looked at each other for a long moment. Carla raised her brows and Filly nodded. Then they looked at me.
“Would you like to join us?” Carla asked. “Maybe we can figure out a new name for you.”
The unexpected invitation ignited something inside me.
I really wanted to say yes. I yearned for the warmth of conversation and laughter around a hearth. I wanted to accept so badly, but instead I froze and shook my head.
I couldn’t stop the tears from stinging my eyes, so I looked away.
“Are you sure?” Carla pressed gently. “I never see you with any company, dearie. I don’t know how you stand it.”
“I know,” I stammered. “I’m sorry. But I can’t. Thank you.”
“Ok,” Filly said, in a gentle tone. “Feel free to knock on my door any time, or even tonight, if you change your mind. Don’t be shy.”
“Absolutely,” Carla added. “Call on either of us any time you want. You don’t have to be so alone, dearie.”
Yet couldn’t even bring myself to look at them. The kindness and welcome they offered tore me apart, and I didn’t understand why.
