Hey y’all,
Thanks so much for the letters, notes, and WhatsApp texts and calls. Those bits of contact warm my heart and bring me joy.
Anybody who has meant to reach out but hasn’t yet, anybody who hasn’t for a while, or even anybody who touched base with me a couple of days ago - to reach out after this email would be especially supportive.
About 20 years ago, I came across some New Age magazine and landed on an enthralling article written by a woman who possessed eloquence and insight as she described what she did for a living.
As I remember it, she had started her career as a traditional talk therapist, but eventually found herself going in the direction of sexuality, particularly in the area of sexual dysfunctions. I don’t recall what her self-described job title was, but it was something similar to sexual surrogate.
What she did was far more intimate than giving paper handouts on effective masturbation techniques for clients who came to her for all manner of problems - premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, low libido, sexual abuse, rape, incest, frigidity, inability to orgasm, or some combination of the above. Because sexual dysfunction is often rooted in trauma.
The writer made clear that the only clients she worked with came to her for help. Therapeutic help, even if it was sexual.
She also made it clear that what she did was considered prostitution because genital contact was involved, and there was always the risk that she could be arrested and thrown in jail.
I remember thinking as I read this article that this woman was a hero, that what she did was incredible, and how fucked up it was that she could have her reputation, career, and life ruined because of it.
Charles Muir and his ex-wife, Caroline Muir, proved (yet again) that sex sells. They started the company that would become known as Source Tantra through marketing the ecstasy of incredible sex. Bigger, better, stronger, more explosive orgasms could bring transcendence to everybody at every age.
He’s been very successful at that.
Yet even Source Tantra moved into the therapeutic arena.
I’m sure most of you have discerned the nature of the private sessions given by Charles Muir’s team reside in this space between therapy and sex work.
And herein lies one of Rashmi’s most bitter grievances about Neo-Tantra. She can’t stand it that this new breed of sexual healers often cloak themselves with the titles of “tantrikas” or “dakinis.”
“They rub one out and have the nerve to call it tantra.”
Not that Rashmi has a problem with prostitution.
“If a woman is a prostitute fighting for legalization, and the protections and rights that go with it, I will fight shoulder to shoulder alongside her. Just don’t call it tantra.”
She was not especially impressed with a change of nomenclature when I told her about the woman who introduced herself as a Shamanic Sexual Healer in the hot tub at the Cascadia Tantra Festival. She was friendly, engaging, and had finished her ISTA (International School of Temple Arts) training right before FOSTA-SESTA shut down the Craigslist personals and Back Page, which is where sexual healers found most of their clients, alongside the prostitutes.
The Shamanic Sexual Healer was passionate about her work. Until then, she had trimmed weed to make a living, and it sounds like this career has given meaning to her life and some direction.
“To be clear,” she said at the end of our conversation. “I don’t have sex with my clients. I do genital massage and that’s as far as it goes.”
“It’s no different than a happy ending at a massage parlor.” Rashmi huffed when I told her this story.
I think that’s harsh, but the law agrees with her.
Rashmi’s feelings are understandable. It goes far beyond cultural appropriation to use the verbiage of tantra to camouflage a particular kind of exchange.
I know many people would agree with Rashmi and with the law.
For the record, I don’t. I don’t think it’s that black and white. I think this hybrid of sexual healers falls within shades of gray.
How somebody perceives what they’re doing makes a difference. So do the boundaries set on what is offered. That alone shifts the intention. If the focus is on healing, that distinguishes one from the other – sex workers/escorts/prostitutes/hookers/massage parlor masseuses and masseurs are not the same as sexual healers.
Of course, prostitutes are healers in their own right. They have done an eternity of helping those who suffer sexual frustration, loneliness, isolation, sexless marriages, loveless relationships – maladies that plague millions of people.
Here’s a link to a deeply moving story from one of the first Mystery Box Shows that proves the point.
Enjoy! Part II is coming right up next.
Peace,
Mana
